Wednesday, December 28, 2005

 

On Makers Mark's Bottle Design

While playing some ring at Pokerstars and drinking a (Christmas Gift Bottle) of Maker's Mark I began to wonder:

Do they put the wax on the stem of the bottle so you can grip it easier especially after you have had a few?

Sunday, December 25, 2005

 

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all!!!!

Friday, December 23, 2005

 

Christmas prep while drunk

There's nothing like coming home on the eve of Christmas eve totally blasted (did not drive), wrapping your gifts and playing some drunken SNG's.

I have not wrapped gifts sober in over 5 years.

I came in 4th in a SNG over at PS. Not bad for being smashed.

P.S. I cant belive i can type this well while being drunk.

 

You know those aren't real, right?

I have never, ever found a good way to answer this question.

Let's say you are with your girlfriend and you both are watching TV. A hot babe comes on the screen with a pretty face, hot body and larger than average boobs.

Your girlfriend says, "you know those aren't real, right?". She's not being mean or anything. Just trying to make ya squirm a bit.

How on earth does one respond to that question in a clever way?

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

 

Cheap SNG's

There's nothing like the (relatively) new $1 SNG's over at Pokerstars.

Let the snow pile up outside.

I have my SNG's, Makers Mark and RedHook ESB.

 

On mean drunks

I have had many good times with drunk friends.

One can tolerate stuid stuff said and dumb things done.


One thing that can never be tolerated is a bud who is a "mean" drunk. You know the type - the one who wants to start a fight - especially with strangers.

Monday, December 19, 2005

 

Gourmet my ass

I am sick of seeing so much stuff being labeled as "Gourmet". A deli advertises "Gourmet Sandwiches". Supermarkets sell way too many ordinary products with the word "Gourmet" on the label.

I saw "Gourmet Coffee" being sold - inside a freaking gas station.

Geez.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

 

About To Get Pounded With Snow

I see shoveling in my future. Calling for 5-8 inches (where does my penis fall on this scale, lol) of the white stuff tonight.

Really looking forward tomorrow to a several hour drive to work that normally takes about 30 minutes.

Then upon returning home I find that the only tolerable way to shovel the snow is to fire up a cigar, grab a few beers and do the dirty deed. The only "problem" is when the beer starts to gel from the cold.

How do you cope with garbage weather when it has you trapped at home?

Saturday, December 03, 2005

 

Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0? Just say "No".

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a
lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed
itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system
activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting
and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,

A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)

______________________________________

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it
is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to
not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep
3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

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